The Lady Die
by LoLoLaLoco
Summary: Diana has just gotten out of prison and is going to live with her Grandmother in Baker Street with one complication. She cannot stand Sherlock Holmes, but that old cliché is there for a reason isn't it? Sherlock/OFC and it's going to primarily focus on the relationships between characters and not take too much out of the shows plot. Rated M for swearing and possible sexual content
1. Chapter 1

Martha Hudson stood outside the gates of Holloway Castle awaiting her Granddaughter's release. Six months ago Diana had been arrested and sentenced to her six months which had passed without incident (mostly because she had been remanded to a closed prison) and now she was being released back into the world once more.

When asked where she was going that morning by John Watson, Mrs Hudson had been deliberately vague simply stating that she was going to see a relative. The look Sherlock had given her however told her that he knew exactly where she was going. Sherlock knew Diana since the two had met briefly while Mrs Hudson's late husband was convicted in Florida and Sherlock had ensured it.

The large gates at the front of the castle opened and Diana appeared slightly slimmer than when she'd gone inside but otherwise there was no difference in her outward appearance,

"Nana" Diana exclaimed running up to her Grandmother, "I told you there was no need to come out to meet me. I would have been fine getting the tube"

"Nonsense dear, come along now I have a room all set up for you" Mrs Hudson ushered her newly freed granddaughter into the cab she had waiting, the same one she'd arrived in, and headed back to Baker Street

* * *

Elsewhere John Watson was baffled by his Landlady's odd actions that morning as he made his way home from ASDA. He entered the flat and found Sherlock in a foul mood shooting holes in the wall,

"Dare I ask what's wrong now?" John asked putting the groceries away finally and flexing his fingers since the bags he'd carried home had some weight in them and had dug into his fingers the entire journey back to the flat,

"That woman is coming back" Sherlock spat as an explanation,

"Woman?" John was intrigued now, Sherlock had never shown much interest in the opposite sex John was beginning to wonder if his flatmate truly was a sexual,

"Diana" Sherlock hissed the word like it was some sort of curse and it actually made a chill run down John's spine, "And there she is. The Lady Die"

John peered past Sherlock out the window to see Mrs Hudson getting out of a cab along with a woman in her late twenties with long black hair pulled up into a high ponytail, she wore a red tartan dress, fishnet tights, Doctor Marten boots along with a leather jacket and some _interesting_ jewellery that seemed to be made up of skulls and spikes,

"Who exactly is that?" John asked turning away from the window and towards Sherlock who was currently storming his way towards the kitchen probably to check on one of his many 'experiments', he pretended as if he hadn't heard John or perhaps he really didn't either way John's question went unanswered so he resolved to have it answered by Mrs Hudson, she should be more manageable than Sherlock at least.

* * *

"Nana it's lovely but I won't be here for long, I don't want to impose" Diana said turning to her Grandmother, "You've already done so much for me" the pair walked out of the room that had been set up for Diana with all her things from her previous flat to sit in the small living room

"Nonsense dear this is your home now. One word of warning however –" Mrs Hudson paused trying to find the right words as she shifted slightly uncomfortably on her seat on the worn couch,

"What is it?" Diana asked, before her question could be answered there was a knock on the door. Diana bounced up from the couch and strode quickly across the living room to the front door, where upon opening it she found herself face to face with an average looking man in a pair of jeans and a slightly hideous jumper,

"Ah hello" the man had clearly been expecting her Grandmother, "I'm John I live upstairs" John said offering his hand to Diana

"Diana. I just moved in" Diana stuck out her hand and shook John's offered one, "I'm Mrs Hudson's Granddaughter"

"I didn't realise you had family Mrs Hudson" John responded feeling quite the fool for never asking his landlady and sometime housekeeper about her family,

"Diana's all I have left" Mrs Hudson said, "Why don't you come in for some tea dear?"

"Best not, Sherlock's having a strop and he'll probably go for the cigarettes next"

Diana froze on the spot, John wondered if she was alright for a moment until she began to clench her fists at her side and her dark brown eyes narrowed in what was obviously contempt,

"Sherlock. As in Sherlock Holmes?" Diana seethed

"I was trying to tell you dear" Mrs Hudson said

"That lunatic is living upstairs!" she yelled, "Nana I love you but what were you thinking letting him rent! If one of those stupid chemicals of his reacts badly we'll all get blown to smithereens!"

"He's not that bad" John defended, "And anyway he doesn't have anything unstable in the flat"

"That you know about" Diana countered, "Nana I'm going out for a bit, I have my phone on me if you need to get in touch"

And with that Diana stormed out of the small flat and onto the street, fishing a packet of Marlboro Gold's out of the pocket of her leather jacket she light it picked a direction and started walking

* * *

"I see she's left" Sherlock said when John re entered the flat,

"Yeah she didn't say where she's going and Mrs Hudson's worried so I'm going after her" John replied grabbing his coat since the weather had taken a turn for the worse, damn the English Summertime,

"I wouldn't bother, she's probably off to see her ex boyfriend" Sherlock scoffed,

"Probably?" John had never heard Sherlock use 'probably' before; Sherlock didn't respond so John simply pulled his coat on and started out after Diana.

John came back late that evening with no news on Diana, he hadn't been able to find her at all,

"Did she keep in touch with anyone in prison?" Sherlock asked Mrs Hudson when John had brought the woman into their flat to try and calm her nerves about her missing Granddaughter,

"No one, she cut all ties" Mrs Hudson replied, "She promised me she would" she added seeing Sherlock's sceptical face,

"Wait prison?" John interrupted,

"Diana's just been released from Holloway" Sherlock explained, "She spent six months there"

"What? What for?"

"In order? Drunk and disorderly behaviour, public intoxication, GBH and assaulting three police officers" a female voice said, "I found out my ex was cheating on me so I got drunk and decided I'd make him pay with my fists and they locked me up for six months in Holloway"

"Oh Diana!" Mrs Hudson leapt out of her seat and embraced Diana,

"Sorry for running out on you Nana" Diana nodded her head towards John as well to apologise,

"You didn't go to see your old friends did you?" Mrs Hudson asked wearily

"No I cut all ties with that world I promised" Sherlock scoffed and Diana turned her head swiftly giving him her best death glare, "Not that it's any of your business what I do"

"There's a reason they say leopards don't change their spots" Sherlock retorted angrily

"Oh no not again" Mrs Hudson sighed and leaving her tea cup on the kitchen table quickly exited the room,

"And what the hell would you know?" Diana challenged

"Well there was a reason they called you The Lady Die" Sherlock snapped back

"The Lady Die?" John interrupted

"I used to run with a gang in the East End" Diana said as an aside before going back to her assault on Sherlock.

John watched in rapt fascination as the two exchanged barbed words and more than once John thought Diana might actually swing for Sherlock. It was only when she picked up the large glass bottle that he stepped in,

"Diana why don't you go back down to see Mrs Hudson I'm sure she'll be glad to have you home" John ushered Diana downstairs and turned back to Sherlock, "What was that all about?"

"I cannot stand that woman" Sherlock seethed before storming towards his room and slamming the door like a teenager would,

"It would be easier raising children" John sighed, things were about to get very interesting in Baker Street.

Very interesting indeed.

* * *

**So since the team has been teasing us on twitter with pictures of the set being rebuilt and the Sherlock fandom is picking themselves up from that rather nasty fall they had (myself included) I've been rewatching the show and decided to write this**

**It's not going to be very long since it's set primarily in season two so it'll probably only be about ten chapters long or so**

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**/bro fist**


	2. Chapter 2

It had been roughly a week since Diana had moved into Baker Street when John finally asked about the name,

"Well Mummy dearest was rather enamoured by our late princess" Diana started, she was looking for something in the small flat below the one John shared with Sherlock, since it had just been Mrs Hudson till recently John understood why the older woman chose to live in it and not in the larger flat upstairs, "So that's where Diana comes from" John nodded as he sipped the tea Diana had all but forced into his hands when he arrived earlier that morning, "My Dad used to call me Di and when I started running with the gangs in the East End they added the 'e' to the end. It was wordplay of sorts with my name and I lived up to it"

John choked on his tea, did Diana just say what he thought she said,

"Do you mean that you ah –" John couldn't find the right words,

"Killed people?" Diana said, "Thankfully no, what I mean was I lived to the scarier aspects of the nickname. I used to be the go to girl when you wanted information from someone and the usual methods weren't working. Give me fifteen minutes and a pair of pliers and I'll have all the information you need" John shuddered and set his tea cup down, making Diana look at him strangely through her fringe which had fallen in her eyes, "How is it that an army doctor is unnerved by me?" she laughed, "I'm just a twiglet of a thing"

"Somehow that's all the more terrifying" John admitted, "I think it's perhaps since you did just get out of jail"

Diana hummed in response and continued her search for whatever it was she was looking for, "If you don't mind my asking what exactly happened?"

"Well I used to see this fella called Archie. He was a nice enough bloke, good looking, funny, charming then I found out that he'd been seeing at least three other girls on the side and telling them all he was a free man.

I don't like being lied to and I especially don't like being made a fool of. So I went out and drank my weight in whiskey, got into a bit of a brawl and got chucked out. The police were called but I legged it to Archie's deciding I'd show him just what happens to people who make idiots of me. By the time the peelers caught up I'd broken his nose and dislocated three fingers. The three police officers that had shown up tried to peel me off him before I did anymore damage, I broke one's nose, and another's toes by stomping on them as hard as I could in my steel capped boots and gave another a nasty concussion when I hit him with a wine bottle"

"And that's what you mean by assaulting three police officers?" John asked,

"And so in the end they chucked m in Holloway because they didn't trust me not to escape. Aha!" Diana had located whatever she had been looking for, a rather frightening looking ring which seemed to be a Lego block with small spikes sticking out of it with juxtaposed rather startlingly with the rest of her outfit,

"Do you think that ring's a good choice?" John asked,

"Of course it is. I can't get caught short if I'm out on my todd, I mean yes I have a knife in my boot but I'd prefer not to use that or I can be done for carrying a concealed weapon, so you just use your jewellery as a weapon. I actually learnt that in some rape prevention course for the working girls I was in charge of. Now where did I put that hat?" Diana wandered back into her bedroom to search for her missing hat and the implications of what she had just said suddenly hit John like a ton of bricks,

"Wait when you say 'working girls' you mean –"

"Prostitutes aye" Diana replied exiting her room once more wearing a black pork pie hat with a peach ribbon tied around it, John was acutely aware of the East London twinge her voice had taken on, "Well I'm off, need anything from ASDA?"

"Just milk, Sherlock moves ours out of the fridge to store body parts and it goes off"

"Why am I not surprised he keeps body parts in the fridge?" Diana sighed, "Well I'm off I'll be sure to get the milk though on my way back"

"Just leave it in the fridge and I'll pick it up when I get back from Dublin" John said standing to hold the door open for Diana, John locked the door behind him with his spare key and went back upstairs to see if Sherlock had roused himself yet as Diana left Baker Street and headed into Central London

Diana didn't come back until late evening; the happy go lucky positive attitude that had been there in the morning had long since deflated,

"Everyone wants criminal convictions for the last three years" she sighed flopping down on the couch in Mrs Hudson's flat, "I thought it was three months"

"That's alright dear maybe you can get a job cleaning houses" Mrs Hudson said handing her Granddaughter a mug of steaming hot tea. There was no noise from the boys upstairs, according to Mrs Hudson John had gone to Dublin on something which meant Sherlock was alone so Mrs Hudson was keeping an extra eye on him,

"No one would employ an ex con to clean their house Nana, they'd think I'm going to steal their things"

"Well I'll make you some tea dear and we'll have a look at the papers" Mrs Hudson said bustling off to make tea

* * *

It had been three days since Diana's misadventure in town looking for work. She spent her days in 221A on the laptop that she'd bought just before she went away trying to find anywhere that would hire an ex con.

Needless to say there weren't many and any that were willing probably had some pretty sketchy goings on.

One particular day started like any other, Diana was on her laptop and hadn't really bothered getting dressed seeing as there wasn't much point as she wouldn't be going anywhere, and there was a knock on the front door. Rising to answer Diana found herself face to face with Mycroft Holmes,

"And what can I do for you?" Diana asked going back to her laptop,

"Rather it's what can I do for you" Mycroft said shutting the door behind him, "You see I need some ... Information" Mycroft stood by the kitchen table umbrella in hand and surveyed the small flat which no doubt he found somehow distasteful as it was Mrs Hudson's flat and everything in it was very much to her own taste so there were a lot of floral patterns and everything smelt faintly of lavender, enough to give one a headache should they sit in one spot for too long with the heating on,

"What on him upstairs?" Diana scoffed in response to Mycroft's suggestion, "In case you'd forgotten we can't stand each other"

Since John had gone to Dublin for a while presumably on a case Sherlock couldn't be bothered with the flat upstairs had been thankfully quiet with only the odd bit of violin playing,

"Oh no I do recall" Mycroft answered still choosing to stand by the kitchen table rather than actually sit down, "But this little job really wouldn't require much interaction. All I need to know is if he's in the best of health. Eating, sleeping all that"

Diana stared at Mycroft raising an eyebrow in surprise,

"Really? Because the last time you asked for information it was a lot more than that"

"Ah yes but now I get most of the information I require from Doctor Watson's blog"

Diana had stumbled across that, after seeing Sherlock's picture in the paper in a deerstalker she had read the article and it mentioned him being a 'web sensation' so she'd looked up John's blog,

"Alright well if you get your information from John's blog then what do you need me for?" Diana asked again

"As I say the blog doesn't really mention if he's eating or sleeping or still smoking" Mycroft answered, "I am willing to pay you Ten Thousand pounds at the beginning of each month for your help"

Diana really thought about Mycroft's answer for a moment,

"Alright. You have a deal" Diana agreed. With the money Mycroft was offering she could renovate 221C, get rid of the damp maybe knock down a wall or two and it would be livable again,

"Wonderful. I'll be in touch" Mycroft left the flat and Diana began to plan

* * *

**So this will more or less follow the path of season two without Diana being involved too much in the overall arch of the story. She'll have her own story and sometimes that'll be a part of the cannon and sometimes it won't **

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**Till next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

Things were relatively quiet for the next couple of days in Baker Street, with John in Dublin and no real cases for Sherlock to be involved in so he had taken to not doing much other than playing his violin and sleeping.

Diana thought John must have put something in the kettle so that every time Sherlock made himself coffee it knocked him right out so the whole of Baker Street didn't have to put up with his boredom relief methods something she was eternally thankful for

Sherlock Holmes roused himself and wrapped in his sheet headed out into the living room kitchen area of 221B surveying the crime scene through the laptop screen while John talked but didn't really say anything, after passing Sherlock over to the detective in charge Sherlock began to announce his rather obvious deductions pausing every so often to shout at whoever was ringing his doorbell.

Eventually the doorbell stopped and Sherlock was free to go back to his deductions or so he thought.

Mrs Hudson came bounding up the stairs as fast as her hip would allow with two men following her,

"Sherlock!" she chastised, "You weren't answering your doorbell!"

"Sorry Mr Holmes" said one of the two men, "You're coming with us" and with that he shut the lid on Sherlock's laptop cutting him off from John and the case.

The second of the pair went into Sherlock's bedroom and picked out some clothes setting them down on the kitchen table in front of him. Sherlock however was committed to ignoring both of them as they had interfered in his work, "Please Mr Holmes" the former said again, "Where you're going you'll want to be dressed"

Sherlock turned to look at the speaker and quickly deduced exactly where he was going, he was however rather comfortable in his sheet and saw no point in getting dressed at all,

"Oh I know exactly where I'm going" he replied finally,

"Where can we find Miss Calloway?" the second man asked Mrs Hudson, "we have instructions to bring her along"

"She's just gone to the shop. I needed some groceries" Mrs Hudson said, "What do you want with my Granddaughter?"

"Nana! I'm back!" Diana's voice rang out from below, "Nana?" the sound of Diana ascending the stairs filled 221B and when she reached the front door she took one look in the room then turned on her heel and headed back downstairs, "Nope!" she yelled back up the stairs, "Not happening"

"Miss Calloway" the second man headed downstairs after Diana while the first all but manhandled Sherlock down the stairs and into an expensive car

"Miss Calloway my employer would like to speak with you" the man who had been in Sherlock's flat was now standing in the middle of Mrs Hudson's flat,

"And who exactly is your employer?" Diana asked,

"Mr Mycroft Holmes" the suit answered,

"Alright let me put the shopping away and I'll be with you in a moment" Diana put her things away and followed the suit out into the car where Sherlock was also waiting still wrapped his sheet, "Are you naked under there?" Diana asked,

"I might be although how is it any of your concern?" Sherlock replied continuing to stare out the window.

The rest of the journey was passed in silence and when Sherlock and Diana reached their destination Diana almost fell out of her seat, of course Sherlock had long since figured out where they were going so he continued to act bored as he was lead off to a different annex by one of the suits while Diana was lead to another by a different suit,

"May we bring you something to drink Miss Calloway?" the suit asked,

"Tea, white, two sugars" Diana replied resisting the urge to pocket everything she could, the suit nodded and left her alone in the room, "Someone certainly has a lot of faith in an ex con" she muttered to herself.

Diana ended up waiting quite a while before Mycroft could see her, he'd already tasked John and Sherlock with someone so Diana now held his full attention,

"So have you given more thought to my offer?" he asked pouring her another cup of tea and offering her some rather expensive biscuits,

"I'm still on board, all you need to know is if he's functioning like a human being, sleeping, eating at semi regular times" Mycroft nodded, "Then I'm your girl. It'll give me a chance to annoy him as well" Diana laughed, "Lord knows he does it to me playing the violin at odd hours of the night"

"Excellent" Mycroft took a cheque book out of his pocket and went about making up a cheque for two thousand pounds to Diana, "A little incentive, the case he's working on he might get rather caught up in it and forget to eat or sleep so if you could make sure your charming Grandmother or Dr Watson makes him do either I'd be much indebted"

"You got it. So how do I let you know he's acting like a normal person?" Diana asked standing up from the couch and quickly pocketing the spoon she'd stirred her tea,

"Have my card" Mycroft offered Diana an expensive looking business card from a silver holder he kept in his breast pocket, "I do look forward to hearing from you"

Mycroft summoned a suit who escorted Diana out of the palace and left her to catch a cab back to Baker Street,

"Nana! I'm back!" Diana called as soon as she entered,

"Oh I was so worried I thought those men had come to take you away again" Mrs Hudson hugged Diana tightly as the latter entered 221A

"No it's just Mycroft's way of welcoming me back into civilised society" Diana laughed removing her jacket, "He wants me to make sure Sherlock eats and sleeps while he's on a case and he's gonna pay me for my help"

Booting up her laptop Diana started looking around various websites for contractors and builders who could help with her vision of 221C.

* * *

Later that evening Diana was alerted to the return of her upstairs neighbours by the sound of feet hitting against the stairs, poking her head around the door Diana almost fell over laughing. Lugging a slightly comatose Sherlock Holmes up the stairs was John Watson and Sergeant Sally Donavan,

"What happened to him?" Diana asked when she regained her composure,

"Well we went to see a dominatrix about pictures of the Duchess of Cambridge in a ball gag and she drugged him" John explained,

"They do that" Diana agreed taking out her phone to snap some pictures of the comatose detective and shoot a small video of him being dragged upstairs,

"Would you mind looking after him for me?" John asked Diana, "I've a date tonight"

"Really? Can't you just cancel, I really don't want to be his babysitter" Diana complained, she was waiting on a call back from a builder about a quote for the basement flat,

"I have a bottle of whiskey my sister gave me as a Christmas present last year that I've never opened I'm willing to give you" John said

"Sold!"

"Thanks Diana you really pulled me out of a hole on this one" John rushed around 221B gathering things for his date and all but slamming down a tumbler glass and the bottle of whiskey before dashing out the door leaving Diana alone in the flat with a sleeping Sherlock

* * *

**Got this one rather quickly I think.**

**And before anyone bitches or worries Diana won't have a lot to do with Irene but yes she will have a little to do with Moriarty I have a plan where he's concerned.**

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	4. Chapter 4

Sometime in the night Sherlock roused and fell out of the bed ending up in a heap on the ground so Diana had her work cut out for her lifting the dead weight back onto the bed all the while he kept mumbling about some woman, thankfully though he slept the rest of the night through – well at least until John came back from his date and released Diana from caring for Sherlock.

The next morning John invited Diana up to 221B for breakfast as thanks for looking after Sherlock. Diana insisted the bottle of whiskey was more than enough but John was more insistent plus Diana thought this would be helpful when Mycroft did get in touch.

Plus this would give her the chance to conduct a little experiment. When Diana had put Sherlock back to bed the previous night he'd been muttering and mumbling about some woman, the great Sherlock Holmes always professed himself married to his work so what exactly did she mean to him and for him?

So Diana took herself up to 221B and sat at the kitchen table while John read the paper,

"John" John's attention was caught by Sherlock coming out of his room to find Diana sitting at the kitchen table, "What is _she_ doing here?"

"She is a pronoun that can only be used when the name of the person has already been used in a sentence" Diana replied helping herself to some toast, "And I'm here because John asked me"

"She looked after you last night when I was out" John filled in noting Sherlock's slightly bemused expression,

"Do sit down already and stop deducing" Diana sighed, "I can all but hear the high pitched whine of your IQ all the way over here" Sherlock sat down his blue silk dressing gown floating around him as he glared at Diana,

"So you were saying you have a meeting with some builders today?" John said quickly trying to defuse the tension in the room, the last thing he wanted was to be in the middle of another fight between the two,

"Yes I'm renovating 221C so I don't impose on Nana too long" Diana answered turning her attention to John,

"She's getting the money from Mycroft" Sherlock interrupted, "he's paying her to inform on me"

"Only to make sure you eat and sleep like a normal human being, he gets all the other information he needs from John's blog" Diana supplied,

There was a knock on the door; Mrs Hudson quickly hurried to answer it. Standing in the doorway was none other than Mycroft himself, "Speak of the devil and he shall appear" Diana muttered into her tea making John laugh,

"The photographs are perfectly safe" Sherlock said immediately, Diana had no idea what he was talking about but she'd probably read all about it on John's blog so there wasn't an immediate need for information

"In the hands of a fugitive sex worker" was Mycroft's reply; suddenly the need for information became immediate

"She's not interested in blackmail she wants … protection for some reason. I take it you stood down the police investigation into the shooting at her house" Sherlock continued, Diana pretended to be interested in the text message from the builder she'd sourced confirming his arrival to inspect the flat,

"How can we do anything while she has the photographs? Our hands are tied." Mycroft protested,

"She'd applaud your choice of words. You see how this works: that camera phone is her "Get out of jail free" card. You have to leave her alone. Treat her like royalty, Mycroft" Sherlock grinned,

"Though not the way _she_ treats royalty" John added smiling at Mycroft sarcastically. Before anyone else could speak an orgasmic sounding noise filled the flat making Diana arch an eyebrow at Sherlock in confusion.

First there were the mumblings about a woman, who apparently is some sort of sex worker, and now the orgasmic text message noise. Could Sherlock Holmes the man who Diana was almost certain was a sexual have found a sex drive somewhere?

"What was that?" John asked with a bewildered look on his face,

"Text" Sherlock said simply

"But what was that noise?" John asked again, Sherlock simply picked up his phone read whatever the message was and sat it down again,

"Did you know there were other people after her too, Mycroft, before you sent John and I in there? CIA-trained killers, at an excellent guess" Sherlock said to Mycroft,

"Yeah, _thanks_ for that, Mycroft" John added

Mrs Hudson brought in a plate of breakfast from the kitchen and set it down in front of Sherlock.

"It's a disgrace, sending your little brother into danger like that. Family is all we have in the end, Mycroft Holmes" she commented the way a mother would

"Oh, shut up, Mrs Hudson" Mycroft said bitterly

"MYCROFT" Sherlock, John and Diana were outraged at the tone of voice, in which Mycroft had spoken to Mrs Hudson,

Mycroft looked at their angry faces glaring at him, then cringed and looked contritely at Mrs Hudson

"Apologies"

"Thank you. Though do, in fact, shut up." Sherlock said as his phone sighed orgasmically again. Mrs Hudson, who had been going back into the kitchen, turned back.

"Ooh. It's a bit rude, that noise, isn't it?" she commented

"There's nothing you can do and nothing she _will_ do as far as I can see" Sherlock said to Mycroft choosing to ignore Mrs Hudson completely,

"I can put maximum surveillance on her" Mycroft suggested

"Why bother? You can follow her on Twitter. I believe her user name is 'TheWhipHand'" Sherlock sighed clearly he was bored of the conversation

"Yes. Most amusing" Mycroft said sarcastically, the sound of his phone ringing echoed through the flat as Mycroft took it from his pocket, "Excuse me" Mycroft left the flat as he answered the phone "Hello?"

Sherlock watched him go, frowning suspiciously. John took the opportunity to look at Sherlock,

"Why does your phone make that noise?" he asked

"What noise?" Sherlock asked feigning ignorance

"_That_ noise – the one it just made." John clarified

"It's a text alert. It means I've got a text." Sherlock answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world for his phone to make orgasmic sighing noises

"Hmm. Your texts don't usually make that noise." John stated,

"Well, somebody got hold of the phone and apparently, as a joke, personalised their text alert noise." Sherlock responded

"Hmm. So every time they text you ..." as if on cue the orgasmic sigh cut through 221B again,

"It would seem so" Sherlock picked up the phone to read the message

"Could you turn that phone down a bit? At my time of life." Mrs Hudson commented

Sherlock set down the phone again and went back to reading the paper John had left on the table,

"I'm wondering who could have got hold of your phone, because it would have been in your coat, wouldn't it?" John asked though Diana got the impression he already knew the answer

Sherlock raised his newspaper so that it obscured his face

"I'll leave you to your deductions" he said from behind which made John smile,

"I'm not stupid, you know"

"Where _do_ you get that idea?" Sherlock asked the trace of a smile in his voice

Mycroft came back into the room, still talking on his phone,

"Bond Air is go, that's decided. Check with the Coventry lot. Talk later" as hehung up. Sherlock looked at him

"What else does she have?" he asked Mycroft who looked at him enquiringly "Irene Adler. The Americans wouldn't be interested in her for a couple of compromising photographs. There's more." Sherlock stood up to face his brother "_Much_ more" Mycroft looked at him stony-faced as Sherlock walked closer to him "Something big's coming, isn't it?" Sherlock's eyes were gleaming like a child on Christmas morning,

"Irene Adler is no longer any concern of yours. From now on you will stay out of this" Mycroft said standing up a little straighter

"Oh, _will_ I?" Sherlock challenged

"Yes, Sherlock, you _will" _Sherlock simply shrugged and walked over to the window, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a long and arduous apology to make to a very old friend" Mycroft headed out the door,

"Do give her my love" Sherlock called after Mycroft picking up his violin and beginning to play 'God Save the Queen'

"Now if you'll all excuse me I have to see a man about a flat, Nana, John thank you for breakfast"

And with that Diana left 221B with a new plan in mind one that would prove both entertaining for her and irritating for Sherlock Holmes.

* * *

**Transcripts from Ariane DeVere on Livejournal**

**The chapters are probably going to start getting longer now that I'm using Transcripts **

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	5. Chapter 5

The builder/contractor who had come to see the flat had given Diana a time frame of three months for the work to be completed,

"Money isn't an object so take as much time as you need to get the job done right. Also there's something else, whenever there isn't anyone but the skinny bloke from upstairs here feel free to make as much noise as possible and every time he comes down to complain I'll give you extra"

So for the next three months whenever Diana would take Mrs Hudson out for lunch and John was either at a girlfriend's house or working in the surgery the workmen would try and make extra noise whether it was from playing the radio a bit louder or simply leaving the door open while they worked.

And each time Sherlock came down to complain about the noise Diana would pay the builders extra. It had gotten to the point where each time Sherlock had to complain he would retaliate by playing his violin at odd hours to which Diana would retaliate in her own way, usually by stealing his skull, cigarettes and nicotine patches.

It had gotten to the point where neither John nor Mrs Hudson could say or do anything to make the pair stop. John had only ever guessed before at how much Diana and Sherlock disliked each other but the more they fought the more John began to feel like he was living in a war zone again.

One morning things came to a crescendo when Diana snuck upstairs into 221B while Sherlock was sleeping; John had pulled an all nighter in the surgery and wasn't home yet so there wasn't anyone to stop Diana from twisting Sherlock's hair into butterfly clips and ribbons and snapping a few pictures before quietly exiting the room and uploading the pictures to John's blog which he had left open the night before.

When Sherlock woke he knew something was wrong. For one his room smelt like the perfume Diana wore and secondly his hair wasn't in his face as it usually was when he woke. Raising his hands to his hair he felt the clips and ribbons and quickly wrapping his sheet around his middle stormed out into the living room where Diana and John were having tea,

"You" Sherlock growled,

"Me" Diana said calmly sipping her tea, "Like your hair"

"Sherlock what –" John started but Sherlock stopped him as he grabbed his gun from the kitchen table.

Diana also grabbed a bottle from beside her, a full bottle whiskey she'd brought John as a gift a few months previously after she'd moved into 221C and he had managed to stop Sherlock from playing his violin at four in the morning,

"Come on then, if you think you're 'ard enough" Diana laughed raising her bottle over her head making the shirt she was wearing, Sherlock's shirt to be precise since Sherlock had retaliated against something Diana had done by throwing all her washing out onto the street and telling the homeless people on the street they could have it all, to rise up a little showing her stomach and the outline of a tattoo on her right hip,

"John step aside" Sherlock aimed his gun at Diana but John stepped in between the two and ended up with Sherlock's gun pressed against his cheek while he held Diana's wrist with the bottle in hand down not noticing that she'd picked up another one and had it raised above her head,

"Can't we just talk about this?" John asked feeling quite like he was caught between two Tasmanian devils,

"Sherlock!" Mrs Hudson's voice called from the doorway, "Diana!"

"Nana? I thought you were in the caf?" Diana asked suddenly lowering her bottle

"I forgot my purse, I'm surprised at the both of you. Just because you don't get along there is no need for this level of violence"

"Sorry Nana"

"Apologies Mrs Hudson"

"I should think so, now then I'm off downstairs" Mrs Hudson grabbed her purse which was somehow sitting on John's little desk and headed off down to the café,

"Truce?" Diana asked setting her bottles down

"Truce" Sherlock agreed lowering his gun to shake the hand Diana had offered,

"Right. Bye" Diana turned and left the flat and Sherlock went back into his room,

"What the bloody hell was that?" John sighed slumping down into his chair, he would never understand those two

* * *

Fairy lights had been strung up around the window frame of 221B, the living room was covered with Christmas decorations and cards, Sherlock was walking around playing 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas' on the violin. Mrs Hudson was sitting in his chair with a glass in her hand, watching him happily,

Lestrade was standing at the entrance to the kitchen holding a wine glass, and John – wearing a frankly horrid Christmas jumper – walked across the room with a cup and saucer in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. As Sherlock finished the tune with a fancy flourish, Lestrade whistled in appreciation.

"Lovely! Sherlock, that was lovely!" he laughed

"Marvellous!" Mrs Hudson, who by this stage was as drunk as a skunk, giggled up at Sherlock "I wish you could have worn the antlers!"

"Some things are best left to the imagination, Mrs Hudson" was Sherlock's curt reply,

"Still could have got a laugh out of it" Diana said tipping back her glass of red wine, her hair had been left down and simply pinned to the side at Mrs Hudson's instance she was attending the Christmas Party John had put together,

"Mrs H" John's girlfriend Janette said offering the landlady a piece of Christmas Cake Diana had bought the day before, then offering the cake to Sherlock

"No thank you, Sarah" Janette's face fell making Diana stifle a laugh and John to hurry over to her, put his arm around her as she turned away

"Uh, no, no, no, no, no. He's not good with names" John said trying to soften the obvious blow,

"No-no-no, I can get this." Janette put the tray down and straightened up, folding her arms and turned to Sherlock as he started deducing, "No, Sarah was the doctor; and then there was the one with the spots; and then the one with the nose; and then ... who was after the boring teacher?

"Nobody" Janette said through gritted teeth making Diana head for the wine again to keep from laughing, it was obvious Sherlock was doing it on purpose to annoy this woman. He like Diana hadn't been exactly keen on the idea of the party,

"Jeanette!" He grinned falsely at her "Ah, process of elimination!" John awkwardly shepherded Jeanette away. Sherlock looked across to the door as a new arrival entered, "Oh, dear Lord"  
Molly Hooper had just walked in, smiling shyly and carrying two bags which appeared to be full of presents.

"Hello, everyone. Sorry, hello" John walked over to greet her, smiling "Er, it said on the door just to come up." everyone else greeted her cheerfully except Diana who simply tipped her glass towards Molly, she had nothing against the pathologist but she didn't exactly like her either Sherlock simply rolled his eyes "Oh, everybody's saying hullo to each other. How wonderful" smiling at Sherlock nervously, Molly started to take her coat and scarf off

"Let me, er ... holy Mary!" Lestrade gawped in appreciation as Molly revealed her little black dress; Diana noted the label hadn't been removed from said dress indicating Molly was going to return the dress after the party

"Wow!" John said before awkwardly clearing his throat at the look Janette threw him

"Having a Christmas drinkies, then?" Molly said in an attempt to break the ice

"No stopping them, apparently" Sherlock grumbled,

"Oh don't be such a sour puss here" Diana threw the bottle of red wine at Sherlock who caught it effortlessly and poured himself a glass before throwing the bottle back to Diana,

"It's the one day of the year where the boys have to be nice to me, so it's almost worth it!" Mrs Hudson said Molly giggled nervously, her eyes fixed on Sherlock as he started typing on John's laptop. John brings a chair over for Molly to sit down,

"Have a seat" he encouraged, Molly sat next to Diana and smiled at her, "I like your dress"

"Thanks, it was a Christmas gift from Sherlock" noticing the look on Molly's face Diana added, "I'm sure John got it and he asked Nana what size I was" Diana emptied her glass of wine again and poured some more offering the bottle to Molly,

"Oh no I don't drink red wine" she said folding her hands nervously in her lap,

"John?" Sherlock called across the room

"Mmm?" John went over to see what Sherlock is looking at, Lestrade touched Molly's arm to get her attention distracting her from Diana,

"Molly?" She turned to him "Want a drink?"

"Please" Molly left her chair and entered the kitchen with Lestrade and Diana noticed John leaning over Sherlock's shoulder to look at the screen.

"And you've got a photograph of me wearing that hat!" Sherlock yelled

"People like the hat."

"No they don't. What people?"

"I like the hat" Diana said emptying her bottle of wine and frowning before getting up to locate some more. Molly turned to Mrs Hudson as Diana walked past,

"How's the hip?"

"Ooh, it's atrocious, but thanks for asking" Mrs Hudson said good naturedly,

"I've seen much worse, but then I do post-mortems" an awkward silence filled 221B. Molly looked embarrassed as she flustered "Oh, God sorry"

"Don't make jokes, Molly" Sherlock said as Diana came over to see what he was doing, she moved some of her hair out of the way as she looked over his shoulder. The smell of Diana's perfume filled Sherlock's nose,

"That's not the perfume Mrs Hudson gave you" the residents of Baker Street had exchanged gifts earlier in the day after finishing the dinner Mrs Hudson had made. Diana had gotten John a new shirt, Mrs Hudson a gift voucher for an expensive spa in the city and Sherlock a new bow for his violin since she'd broken the last one as retaliation for something.

John had gotten Diana a vintage copy of Victor Hugo's Les Miserables and Sherlock had, under duress, gotten her the dress she was wearing. Diana had lied to Molly when she said she was sure John had gotten it. She knew Sherlock had picked it out himself.

"No it's not that stuff gives me a headache" Diana replied scanning the entry on the screen which was still on John's blog, "Plus it smells horrid but I just don't have the heart to tell Nana that. I'll just sell it on eBay or re gift it to Molly"

Both Sherlock and Diana turned to look at Molly who was knocking back a glass of white wine Lestrade had handed her

"Thank you. I wasn't expecting to see you. I thought you were gonna be in Dorset for Christmas"

"That's first thing in the morning. Me and the wife – we're back together. It's all sorted" Lestrade smiled at her

"No, she's sleeping with a P.E. teacher" Sherlock said turning back to the laptop screen, Diana stood her ground behind him as he scrolled through John's blog apparently looking for something

Lestrade's smile became rather fixed. Molly turned to John who was sitting on the arm of his armchair. Jeanette was sitting in the chair itself,

"And John. I hear you're off to your sister's, is that right?"

"Yeah" John replied with a smile,

"Sherlock was complaining" Sherlock raised his eyebrows indignantly causing Molly correct herself "Saying"

"First time ever, she's cleaned up her act. She's off the booze" John said proudly,

"Nope" Sherlock inputted

"Shut up, Sherlock" John said offhandedly

"I see you've got a new boyfriend, Molly, and you're serious about him" Sherlock said changing the subject,

"Sorry, what?" Molly asked baffled,

"In fact, you're seeing him this very night and giving him a gift" Sherlock continued, everyone could see where this was going as Sherlock rose from his chair

"Take a day off" John said

"Shut up and have a drink" Lestrade encouraged,

"Oh, come on. Surely you've all seen the present at the top of the bag – perfectly wrapped with a bow. All the others are slapdash at best" He stood up and walked towards Molly, looking at the other presents which true enough weren't as carefully wrapped, "It's for someone special, then" He picked up the well-wrapped present, "The shade of red echoes her lipstick – either an unconscious association or one that she's deliberately trying to encourage. Either way, Miss Hooper has love on her mind. The fact that she's serious about him is clear from the fact she's giving him a gift at all" John looked at Molly anxiously as she squirmed in front of Sherlock, "That would suggest long-term hopes, however forlorn; and that she's seeing him tonight is evident from her make-up and what she's wearing" Smiling smugly across to John and Jeanette, Sherlock started to turn over the gift tag attached to the present, "Obviously trying to compensate for the size of her mouth and breasts ... "  
Sherlock gazed at the words on the gift tag in shock as he realised the terrible thing that he had just done. Molly gasped quietly,

"You always say such horrible things. Every time. Always … always" as Molly fought back tears, Sherlock turned to walk away ... but then stops and turned back to her,

"I am sorry. Forgive me" John looked up, startled and amazed at such a human reaction from Sherlock who stepped closer to Molly "Merry Christmas, Molly Hooper.

"Sweet lord it's a Christmas miracle" Diana breathed, she couldn't quite believe the scene in front of her eyes,

Sherlock leant forward and gently kissed Molly on the cheek. It was a sweet and beautiful moment, which was instantly ruined by the sound of a familiar orgasmic sigh which caused Molly to gasp in shock

"No! That wasn't ... I – I didn't ..." she stumbled over her words going red in the face

"No, it was me" Sherlock said pulling back from Molly

"My God, really?" Lestrade just stared at Sherlock like he was some sort of anomaly

"What!" Molly gasped again

"My phone" Sherlock explained, he reached into his jacket pocket to get the phone. John narrowed his eyes

"Fifty-seven" John said,

"Sorry, what?" Sherlock asked turning to face John,

"Fifty-seven of those texts – the ones I've heard" Sherlock looked at the message and walked towards the mantelpiece

"Thrilling that you've been counting" he replied, picking up a small box wrapped in blood-red paper and tied with black rope-like string

"Excuse me" Sherlock said walking toward the kitchen

"What – what's up, Sherlock?" John called after his friend,

"I said excuse me" Sherlock said again,

"D'you ever reply?" Ignoring him, Sherlock walked into his bedroom pushing the door closed, shutting everyone out,

"Well I think that it goes without saying that ends the party" Diana said, "Inspector, Molly nice to see you" Diana tried to shoo the pair out when Sherlock came out of his bedroom again, as he crossed the kitchen into the living room Diana intercepted him,

"Oh! You're standing under miseltoe!" Mrs Hudson announced, Diana and Sherlock both looked up to see a spring of Miseltoe hanging from the ceiling,

"Miseltoe is highly poisonus when ingested" Diana remarked looking at the small plant, "Do you think if I ate it this nightmare would end?"

"Doubtful" Sherlock replied,

"You have to kiss!" Mrs Hudson all but demanded,

"Actually Mrs Hudson there are more pressing matters at hand than a Christmas tradition I did not agree to" Sherlock tried to get out of kissing Diana something he really had no intention of doing but John it would appear had other ideas,

"Just kiss her Sherlock then you can attend to your more pressing matters"

"Oh for the love of god" Diana grabbed the lapels of Sherlock's blazer and pulled him down to meet her own lips.

The response throughout the room was a varied one, John seemed shocked that Sherlock responded to Diana, Lestrade and Janette were laughing although for different reasons, Mrs Hudson was smiling with glee but Molly Hooper looked simply crushed.

Sherlock was familiar with the chemical reactions in his brain what he wasn't familiar with was why Diana had caused them. Yes she'd been 'experimenting' since he had met Irene Adler by wearing low cut tops and tight jeans and spending more and more time in 221B and as any red blooded male there had been certain reactions within Sherlock's body but never this level of chemical reaction.

Finally Diana released him and he went immediately to Lestrade to inform the Inspector that he was about to find a woman dead. Not forgetting however the strange chemical reaction. Something that warranted further investigation

* * *

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	6. Chapter 6

About a half hour after Sherlock had left John's phone rang, he scooped it up immediately,

"Mycroft" Diana and Mrs Hudson had previously been checking Sherlock's room for anything, suspicious.

Both knew that in the past Sherlock had a slight trouble with cocaine, he claimed he only used it because it helped him think but Diana saw the signs before anyone else and no matter how hard she pleaded with Sherlock to give the damn thing up and get clean he refused her. Diana had seen what the drug had done to others seeing the working girls who were kept placated by the promise of drugs for the money they earned and as much as she didn't like Sherlock she didn't want that to happen to him either.

Diana couldn't bring herself to hold that against Sherlock either, not when there was so much they already didn't like each other for. But there was nothing to be found in the room and Diana even searched Mrs Hudson's flat below just in case Sherlock had in fact hidden something there thinking no one would look in Mrs Hudson's flat, or at least neither John nor the lady in question would.

John was still on the phone with Mycroft when Diana ascended the stairs back to 221B,

"No. Did he take the cigarette?" the concerned Doctor asked, "Shit" John cursed turning to Mrs Hudson "He's coming. Ten minutes." Mrs Hudson nodded and bustled off quickly to make tea, "There's nothing in the bedroom. Looks like he's clean, we've tried all the usual places. Are you sure tonight's a danger night?"

Whatever Mycroft said next clearly didn't sit well with John as his face fell and he responded with outrage, "I've got plans! Mycroft!" but the elder Holmes had clearly hung up. John sighed and chewing the inside of his mouth, he walked across to where Jeanette was sitting on the sofa and sat down beside her "I am really sorry"

Diana tried her best not to look like she was listening to their conversation and started looking through different cupboards for even the slightest hint of white powder,

"You know, my friends are so wrong about you" Janette said sarcastically something John didn't seem to pick up on

"Hmm?"

"You're a great boyfriend" Janette continued

"Okay, that's good. I mean, I always thought I was great." John seemed slightly proud of himself and Diana internally cringed,

"And Sherlock Holmes is a very lucky man." Janette added making John groan,

"Jeanette, please"

"No, I mean it. It's heart-warming. You'll do anything for him – and he can't even tell your girlfriends apart" Janette spat bitterly, as she put her shoes on. She got off the sofa and headed for the door. John jumped up and followed as Janette put her coat on,

"No, I'll do anything for you. Just tell me what it is I'm not doing. Tell me!" John begged,

"Don't make me compete with Sherlock Holmes." Janette stated,

"I'll walk your dog for you. Hey, I've said it now. I'll even walk your dog ..." John pleaded

"I don't have a dog!" Janette interrupted

"No, because that was ... the last one. Okay." John hung his head in defeat,

"Jesus!" Janette picked up her bag and stormed out of the flat, her heavy foot falls on the stairs could be heard all the way down

"I'll call you." John called after her

"No!" Janette yelled back,

"Okay." Exasperated, John turned back into the room with Mrs Hudson looking at him sympathetically, "That really wasn't very good, was it?"

"Nope" Diana agreed sitting down on the couch, "You should probably learn to differentiate between girlfriends"

"Yeah I'll get right on that" John sighed slumping down into his chair

Not long after John and Janette's break up, John was sitting in his chair reading when Sherlock came up the stairs and stopped in the doorway of the living room. John put down his book to look round at him.

"Oh, hi" Sherlock simply stood there, his eyes roaming all around the living room "You okay?

Sherlock continued to scan the room for a long moment, then turned and walked back to the kitchen door, heading for his bedroom,

"Hope you didn't mess up my sock index this time" he called back as his bedroom door slammed shut. John marked his page in his book and set it down on the coffee table sighing and rubbing his eyes,

"Well I think that's my cue to leave, if you need me just knock the door" Diana stood up and smoothed out her dress heading back down to her own little basement flat,

"Thanks Diana" Diana left 221B and headed downstairs to her own flat where after shutting the door she sighed, "I'm getting soft in my old age"

Sherlock didn't mention whatever had happened the previous day when Mrs Hudson asked him about it over Boxing Day breakfast nor did he mention it when John asked about it over dinner, Diana didn't mention it once not seeing the point in trying to pry any information from the consulting detective. If ever there was a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma it was Sherlock Holmes.

So encouraging John and Mrs Hudson to leave Sherlock be, Diana went back to living her own life after Boxing Day. With the money she'd saved over the previous months after Christmas Presents she decided to head out on New Year's Eve and try her luck in the sales.

* * *

It was shortly after noon and Diana's arms were laden with bags having been up early to get the best out of her day. She decided to stop for a minute in a café and state her growling stomach before heading back out into the throng.

Waiting at her small table fiddling with a new bracelet she'd bought Diana didn't notice the group who came in shortly after she'd placed her order, what she did notice however was how scared the patrons and the staff in the café seemed. Diana pulled a compact mirror from her bag and pretending to fix her hair she took a look at who had entered the café,

"Shit" she recognised the group right away, once upon a time Diana called them friends and they had been there in the court room when she was sentenced to her six months, they had all wished her well and told her that they'd keep her place in the gang open for when she got out.

When Diana hadn't gone back she knew they'd be out looking for her, she knew what happened to deserters. She herself had been on more than one excursion with the group who were now sitting in the café behind her. They were merciless and unrelenting and if they thought she had abandoned the gang then they would be out for blood.

Diana quickly summoned her waitress over again, "Is there a back way out?" she questioned,

"We have a back door but it's through the kitchen and customers aren't allowed through the kitchen" the girl said

"Yeah well I'm working for Her Majesty's Government as a Health Inspector and I'm here to judge and asses your health rating" Diana lied quickly, "So I need to see your kitchens and I need to leave the back way"

"Of course Miss" the girl led Diana through the kitchens where Diana remarked on how clean the place was and how they would certainly get the highest health rating then quickly made her escape through the back door and took the long way home where she was confronted with a strange piece of paper attached to the front door,

CRIME IN PROGRESS  
PLEASE DISTURB

Instead of dropping her bags in her own flat Diana took the stairs up to 221B two at a time and pushed the door open,

"What the hell's going on now?" she questioned Sherlock who had a man bound and gagged with duct tape and sitting on the chair near the fireplace.

The man's nose is broken and blood had been running down his face and was dripping from his chin. Mrs Hudson was sitting on the sofa and Sherlock is in a chair nearby, holding a pistol aimed at the man with one hand, and his phone to his ear with the other.

"Do you have any brass knuckles in your room?" Sherlock asked

"You already know the answer to that" Diana replied, "Why do you need them?"

"This man thought it best to interrogate Mrs Hudson to get information on a certain item in my possession"

"Oh my god, Nana are you alright?" Diana dropped her bags and immediately ran to her Grandmother's aid, "I'll get you those brass knuckles but only if I can get a hit in" Diana stood and turned to Sherlock who nodded and Diana headed down stairs again passing John on the stairs,

"What's happening up there?" he asked

"Nana's been attacked. Sherlock is restoring balance to the universe and I'm going to help" Diana replied

John rushed up the stairs letting Diana pass and head into her flat to grab her brass knuckles, when she arrived back up in 221B John was sitting on the sofa next to Mrs Hudson

"Oh, Mrs Hudson, my God. Are you all right?" John was glaring at the man in the chair as he put his arm around Mrs Hudson's shoulders, "Jesus, what have they done to you?"

Mrs Hudson started to cry and held her handkerchief to her eyes to dab away the stray tears,

"Oh, I'm just being so silly." She sobbed,

"No, no." John comforted her dabbing away the tears himself with her handkerchief, Sherlock got to his feet, still holding the phone to his ear while aiming the gun at the man in the chair,

"Downstairs. Take her downstairs and look after her" he commanded John who complied, standing up and helping Mrs Hudson to her feet,

"All right, it's all right. I'll have a look at that" he said helping her towards the door,

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Mrs Hudson said again and again. As she walked out of the room, John stepped over to Sherlock, whose eyes are fixed on the man in the chair

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on?" John asked looking to Diana as well who held a murderous look in her eyes as she slipped on her brass knuckles,

"I expect so. Now go" Sherlock answered John still aiming the gun at the man in the chair. Sherlock and John look at each other for a moment, they then turn their gazes to the man in the chair who now had three murderous expressions aimed at him. John turned and left the room prompting Sherlock to make a call on his phone

"Lestrade. We've had a break-in at Baker Street. Send your least irritating officers and an ambulance" Finally taking his eyes off the man in the chair, Sherlock walked across the room to the table and laid the pistol down on it "Oh, no-no-no-no-no, we're fine. No, it's the, uh, it's the burglar. He's got himself rather badly injured" The man in chair started to look nervous as Sherlock listened to Lestrade's question "Oh, a few broken ribs, fractured skull ... suspected punctured lung" Sherlock looked over his shoulder at the man in the chair, "He fell out of a window." Still looking into the man's eyes, he hung up, "Diana I believe you're first" Sherlock said stepping aside to let Diana walk up to the bound man,

"Thank you Sherlock, close the door won't you? Nana's had enough of a shock for today" Sherlock complied with the request and as soon as the door was shut Diana reared her fist back and slammed it into the man's gut

* * *

Some time later when it was fully dark outside, an ambulance pulled away from Baker Street. Sherlock and Diana were standing outside Speedy's café with Lestrade.

"And exactly how many times did he fall out the window?" Lestrade asked the pair

"It's all a bit of a blur, Detective Inspector. I lost count" Sherlock answered

Not bothering to comment or to ask Diana any questions, Lestrade walked away. Diana and Sherlock watched the police leave and headed back in to 221 to check on Mrs Hudson.

The pair entered the kitchen door of 221A and wipes their feet carefully on the doormat. Mrs Hudson and John were sitting at her small kitchen table and the wall clock showed the time to be 9.32 p.m. and Mrs Hudson still looked very shaken,

"She'll have to sleep upstairs in our flat tonight. We need to look after her" John said

"No" Diana stated claiming a seat next to the Doctor,

"Of course, but she's fine" Sherlock agreed with Diana, heading for the fridge,

"No, she's not. Look at her" John protested, Sherlock opened the fridge door and peered inside before picking something up, "She's got to take some time away from Baker Street. She can go and stay with her sister. Doctor's orders" John continued

Kicking the fridge door shut, Sherlock frowned at John and bit into a mince pie,

"Don't be absurd" he said,

"She's in shock, for God's sake, and all over some bloody stupid camera phone. Where is it, anyway?" John asked

"Safest place I know" Sherlock answered, wiping crumbs from his mouth, he looked down at Mrs Hudson who reached down inside her top to pull the phone in question out of her bra before handing it to Sherlock,

"You left it in the pocket of your second-best dressing gown, you clot" She laughed briefly "I managed to sneak it out when they thought I was having a cry" Diana laughed at her Grandmother's resourcefulness,

"Thank you" Sherlock said before looking at John "Shame on you, John Watson" he scolded,

"Shame on me?" John asked clearly outraged by his flat mates behaviour,

"Mrs Hudson leave Baker Street? He puts a protective arm around her shoulders and pulls her closer to him "England would fall" he added sternly

Mrs Hudson laughed as she stroked Sherlock's hand. He chuckles gently and John smiled at them both,

"I'll stay the night if you need anyone Nana" Diana offered knowing her Grandmother would of course refuse, so Diana and the other two left 221A to head back to their own flats,

"Thank you" Sherlock nodded at Diana who nodded back before heading down the stairs to her own flat.

John simply stared after the two, after Diana had kissed Sherlock at Christmas John had half hoped the pair would become an item, there was certainly enough chemistry but if their current behaviour was anything to go by John shouldn't hold his breath hoping

* * *

**This took a while to come out but that's simply because I had a lot on my plate, job interviews and the such.**

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